Thoughts from the loon's departure lounge
by George Jonas
National Post
July 17, 2010
The doldrums of a Canadian cottage summer are here. My readers are becalmed. They sit on deck chairs, presumably, watching the resident loon run the full length of the lake before abandoning takeoff. At such times, they -- the readers, not the loons -- stop demanding to know whether I'm an agent of Opus Dei for something I've written about abortion. (No, I'm not, sir, but thanks for asking.)
July is a month for softball questions. Here's one: "Why do you prefer dogs to cats?"
Hmm. If you mean why do I prefer dogs to look at, I don't. I actually prefer looking at cats. If you mean "to live with," I prefer dogs to cats because I'd rather be a landlord than a tenant. "You're your dog's master and your cat's pet," my mother used to say.
Next, a cryptic note from a reader in Calgary: "What's with Toronto?"
Haven't you heard, sir? Toronto is being dismantled. The plan is to turn it into a giant terrarium for gerbils. Bloor Street is currently a ditch, but if the conservatives have their way on City Council, it will be navigable. Part of the Welland canal system, maybe. If the Council is retained by the lefties, it will be a bicycle lane.
Here's a question from the West Coast. "What has changed in 50 years to make things so much worse?"
Ah! You and I have become 50 years older, sir. But if you want an additional reason, what made things so much worse was expectations. Fifty years ago people believed, accurately, that they were entitled to seek the blue bird, whereas today they believe, mistakenly, that they're entitled to find it -- find it and take it home, in a complimentary cage with a month's supply of birdseed.
The first belief was justified and could be accommodated; the second wasn't and couldn't be. People's expectations of 50 years ago were realistic enough to be met, at least in the developed world. By now they've become so unrealistic as to be out of reach, even in Western-style democracies. Those who think they've a right to catch whatever they're free to chase, are doomed to disappointment. That's our generation, in a nutshell.
This from a Toronto lady: "Don't you think education is the answer?"
To what question? Ignorance, yes; stupidity, no. Education may dispel ignorance but it's likely to only confirm stupidity. Educating people beyond their intellectual means is a disservice to humanity. A clueless person who knows little is a nuisance; a clueless person who knows a lot is a menace.
You may overeducate some just by teaching them to read and write. Literacy hasn't done much for literature. If anything, there may be a negative correlation. When few people could read in the Western world, Cervantes and Shakespeare were the popular authors. As more and more people became literate, first Dickens took over, then Pearl S. Buck. Now that almost everyone can read, it's Dan Brown.
"Who disappointed most in Canadian politics?" This from a Quebec correspondent.
Me? No one. I never expected enough of any politician to be disappointed, Canadian or foreign. Some actually came close to being pleasant surprises, but since they're still in office, they may yet do something to change my mind.
If you mean who disappointed his or her champions most, Michael Ignatieff would be my guess. His may be the record gap between expectations (high) and performance (low). You could drive a truck through it, and some former supporters have.
"Who was/is the most dangerous despot, demagogue, monster in your lifetime, other than Hitler and Stalin?" This from a Japanese-Canadian reader, who spent time in a Canadian prison camp as a child. He himself mentions General Hidaki Tojo, executed for war crimes in 1948, following the Tokyo Trials, as being one such monster.
Monstrosity has a cast of thousands, with its own superstars, supporting actors, speaking parts and special-business extras. Making a top-10 list would be a retirement project. If I did make one, I may not stop at 10, but my list would probably overlap with yours, sir, at several points.
Would a dishonour-roll serve any purpose? It's hard to say. I suppose man is a list-making animal. In the face of evil, we don't want to appear listless.
What's this? "Do you water ski?" Now why would Ms. T. from the Kawarthas want to know? As a matter of fact, I did get on a pair of water skis once in Georgian Bay and knew immediately that it was a mistake. Could Ms. T. have been one of the amused spectators who witnessed the debacle? I did make quite a splash -- but this was many years ago.
No, Ma'am, I don't water ski. I fish in troubled waters once in a while, but that's all. I have no dockside or riparian pastimes. You may want to try contacting someone from the lifestyle section.
Finally! The loon has lifted off. There it goes into the Canadian sunset, skimming the surface. Talk about water skiing.